She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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