Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I need a burrito and a hug.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
