Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
