Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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