my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
