They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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