Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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