she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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