I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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