This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
