She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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