I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
