Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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