i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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