So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
