Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Soap is not a condiment
Best friends brother. Beat that.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
