i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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