So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
