You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
