He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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