I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
