I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize