I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
