as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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