I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
