Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
