When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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