pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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