I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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