UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
