your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Your topless pictures make me question reality
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
