We're like a lot better than the average bears
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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