This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
