so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
