he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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