I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
