Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
