I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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