Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
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I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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