i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
