Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my shit smells like andre
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
