i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
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