So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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