Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
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I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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