Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
