I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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