why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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