You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
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I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
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GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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