I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she told me i tasted like america
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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