note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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