he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
