I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
