OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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