Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he thought i was a dude.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize