i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm like, not good at living.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize