So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
