I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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