on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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