Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
