Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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