dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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