then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
