So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
