Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
