Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
