and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
