it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
