You made me cry and you don't even care
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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