Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
