so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
