How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
