True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
