Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
