My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
