After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
